Do you remember the line from “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” that wishes you comfort and joy this time of year? Well if you cannot, if your feeling down, because the festivities of a holiday are overwhelming, I will remember you in prayer. Five years ago, and for every year after, I have struggled with the Christmas season. My brother passed away in 2008 and today I have come to a semblance of comfort and joy.
This Christmas, I quilted a tree skirt (below) and decorated our Christmas tree in red, gold and white (far below). I sent Christmas cards and delivered goodies to neighbors. My family opened presents late on Christmas Eve and into the early hours of Christmas, and I was grateful to be surrounded by my three children (23, 19, 14), my patient husband, our two dogs, Louie (Maltese cutie!) and Lucy (grumpy old lady, she is) and the silence of a frigid mid-western night. The warmth in the room kept me feeling the wonder of life.
Yesterday I was thinking of my brother and wrote this down:
Does it matter
Does it matter
if he made it to heaven?
The road
was long and curves
were sharp. He was thrown off
a cliff or two.
I choose to believe
his last thoughts/words
to me. “Don’t worry, I am okay.”
This after he had passed almost two days ago.
I was lost in the woods myself,
on top the highest point,
in a state park of awesome beauty,
when I heard the news.
I could not see
for the trees
or the tears streaming past my cheeks
and landing on the snow.
They didn’t turn to snowflakes,
but rather ice,
blocking the sparkle of our
individuality.
His comfort is fading.
Questions of my sanity
are rising.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
jeannelizabeth©
